


Pastures New

by MajorWolfe



Category: Holby City
Genre: Bernie leaves, F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-06 20:49:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11608674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MajorWolfe/pseuds/MajorWolfe
Summary: My take on how Bernie comes to 'say goodbye to Holby.'





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this when I saw the Summer Trailer, but seeing the spoilers for when Bernie actually leaves has given me the kick to get it finished, I think there'll just be one more chapter after this but I'll see how carried away I get as I write!  
> I'd love to hear what you think!

Bernie didn’t look up as the door to the office opened, she simply carried on, furiously typing at her computer, “Bernie” Nina said quietly as she sat down at the desk Bernie would always refer to as Serena’s, “about the trauma unit…”

“Forget it” Bernie said firmly as her eyes scanned the words on her screen, the tone of her voice telling Nina to drop the subject, so she did, an awkward silence filling the room, only broken by the printer whirring to life a few moments later, Bernie grabbing the pages she’d printed and signing her name on the bottom with a flourish, folding the paper and slipping it into the envelope she had waiting.  She didn’t say anything as she stood, envelope in hand and left the office, leaving the ward without another word.

“Come” Hanssen was quick to respond to the knock on his door, “ah, Ms Wolfe” he looked up as the door was pushed open, “what can I do for you?”

Bernie held out the envelope, “my resignation” she told him, “I’ll work to the end of the week to give you time to find a locum but then I believe I have more than enough holiday to cover my notice period.”

Hanssen gestured for Bernie to sit down, “is this about the trauma bay?” he asked.

Bernie remained standing, hands pushed firmly into the pockets in her scrubs, “partly, you know how hard Serena and I worked to establish the trauma unit, you saw how successful it was and then when you decide to take it away, you don’t even have the decency to tell me yourself, I feel like I don’t know where I fit into the whole ‘hierarchy’ on AAU anymore so I’ve taken the decision to jump before I’m pushed.”

“That would not be the case” Hanssen frowned, “you are a fine surgeon, the funding for your trauma unit was…”

“Out of your control, I know, you’ve said but that doesn’t change my mind, I never intended to settle here when I took the locum position, I thought it would just be a temporary thing, but then my circumstances changed as you know and I decided to stay, there’s nothing to keep me here anymore so it’s time to move on.”

“And there’s nothing I can do to convince you to stay?”  Bernie shook her head, she’d lost Serena, had to watch another woman make herself at home in Serena’s half of their office, despite her best efforts in theatre she’d lost Jasmine and now she’d lost the last thing tying her to Serena, she’d lost the trauma bay they’d built together, the one thing that had kept her going since Serena’s departure and she didn’t want to be here to see the disappointment on Serena’s face should she return to find the trauma bay gone so she was taking the cowards’ way out, doing what she was always doing and running away.  “Well, I have to say that I’m sure you’ll missed by all your colleagues…”

“They don’t know” Bernie told him, “I’m not going to tell them and I’d appreciate it if you kept this between us.”

Hanssen nodded, “as you wish Ms Wolfe.”

Despite Hanssen’s promises Bernie was surprised that she managed to keep her resignation a secret, she worked to the end of the week as she’d agreed, nobody noticing that she emptied her locker of the few possessions it held, a lack of personal effects in her office made that job easier too, all that remained on her desk at the end of her shift on Friday was a pile of neatly stacked files and completed paperwork and it was with a heavy heart that she took a final look around her office, the place where she’d finally admitted how she’d felt for Serena, the place where they’d shared so many moments together, where they’d finally decided to give things a go.

She headed to Albie’s with the rest of her team but only stayed for one round, a round that she bought, her way of saying goodbye, of thanking them for welcoming her, for making her feel like she finally had a home and she was surprised to find tears stinging at her eyes as she made her excuses and left for home, her co-workers, her friends telling her to enjoy her weekend off, all expecting to see her again on Monday morning.

The drive home passed quickly and she kicked off her shoes and dumped her bag by the door, stopping only to collect a bottle of whiskey and a glass from the kitchen before collapsing on her sofa. She ran a hand through her hair, brushing her fringe back from her face as she tried to make sense of the jumble of thoughts in her head, for the first time in her life she was now unemployed. She’d looked at other jobs, seen plenty she could do but the thought of Serena always stopped her applying, she wanted to be here, wanted Serena to be able to find her should he ever return, even though that seemed less and less likely with every month that passed.  They’d agreed on no communication, Serena needed to deal with her grief on her own and Bernie didn’t want to say or do anything that would make Serena feel like she had to come home before she was ready, and Bernie was certain that hearing she’d resigned would have Serena on the first flight home, whether or not she was ready. 

She’d considered going to London, spending some time with her son before quickly realising that she was probably one of the reason’s he’d left Holby in the first place.  Her thoughts turned to Alex, and, not for the first time since she’d lost her trauma unit did she wonder if she’d still be able to take up her commission with the army, the only place other than AAU that she’d ever felt at home.  She reached for her phone, running her thumb over the photo on her lock screen, a photo Cameron had taken of her and Serena curled together on the sofa on Christmas day, foreheads touching as they lost themselves in each other’s company, neither aware that Cameron had walked in on their moment.  Once she’d unlocked her phone she sent a text to both her children, asking how they were, letting them know she was thinking about them, something she'd done regularly since Elinor had died.  She knew she’d get a text from Cameron sometime in the next couple of weeks, she’d maybe get a single word response from Charlotte if she was lucky.  She opened her messages to Serena, briefly considering sending her a text but soon decided against it, sighing as she dropped her phone to the floor and reached for the bottle of whiskey.

She barely moved from her sofa over the weekend, trying to decide what to do next, should she hang around for Serena or should she accept that she was gone and move on.  Her mind constantly reminding her of the things she’d lost since she’d left the army, her husband, her home, her children, Alex, Serena, Jasmine, the trauma unit and she couldn’t help but wonder if losing Serena was a punishment for her affair with Alex, she’d broken up her family, cheated on her husband of 25 years and now someone, somewhere in the universe was getting their revenge.  She wouldn’t blame Serena if she didn’t come back, Bernie could only imagine how hard it would be for her to return to the place where she’d lost her daughter, where she’d fallen apart, even if she did come back, Bernie wouldn’t blame her if it was only for Jason’s benefit.

She sighed and shifted slightly, her back aching from spending so long lounging on the sofa but she couldn’t bring herself to care, choosing instead to reach for the whiskey once again, intending to finish the bottle, hoping it would numb the pain in her back and in her heart. “One week” she told herself, she’d give herself one week to wallow in as much self pity as she needed to and then she’d pull herself together, she’d stand tall, shoulders back and stiff upper lip firmly in place.  One week and she’d start making decisions, she’d stop feeling sorry for herself, she’d eat properly, she’d go out for runs and she’d start planning the rest of her life, or at least that was the plan...


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did get carried away with this, I started jotting down the main ideas and I had almost 2000 words before I'd even made any attempt to start joining the ideas together so I think there will probably be another 2 chapters and maybe an epilogue if you want one.

As usual, nothing went to plan. Bernie’s intended week of self pity quickly became two, two weeks became a month and a month became almost three. Three months where she’d barely left her flat, never even bothering to open the curtains, living off a diet of whiskey, silk cut and the odd pot noodle, she was a mess, she knew it and she knew what she had to do, how to try and get herself back on her feet, it seemed so easy to think about, she knew she could start small, simply getting up and going for a shower or emptying an ashtray would be a step in the right direction but she just couldn’t find the energy to do anything more than light up another cigarette.

The staff on AAU were understandably shocked when Hanssen appeared on the ward on Monday morning, a middle aged man in a suit by his side, the man that Hanssen went on to introduce as their locum consultant. “What about Bernie?” Fletch asked with a frown, only to be told about Bernie’s resignation, that it was kept quiet at Bernie’s request, that when she’d said goodbye on Friday she’d known she wouldn’t be back but she’d said nothing.  No one could quite believe it, they’d known she’d been upset, frustrated about losing her trauma unit but they’d all assumed that the thought of keeping AAU running in Serena’s absence would be enough for Bernie. Over the course of the day, both Fletch and Raf tried to call Bernie several times to ask her what was going on, to make sure she was okay, but their calls went straight to voicemail, Bernie not having bothered to charge her phone once the battery had died over the weekend.

Weeks passed and, instead of forgetting about it, the AAU staff grew more concerned for their friend and colleague, they were still trying to get in touch with Bernie but their calls were all still going to voicemail. Morven had called Cam and even Bernie’s own son was surprised at her shock resignation having got the feeling that his Mum had really found her feet on AAU, that he didn’t imagine her leaving, especially not like she did.  He told Morven that he hadn’t heard from his mother since the text she’d sent him, beginning to worry when he realised his reply was undelivered and, after trying several times, found that his calls too all went to voicemail.  He’d called Charlotte almost a week after speaking to Morven, asked her to call their mother and she did, understanding Cam’s concern she’d called her straight away, both of them knowing that Bernie would never turn down an opportunity to try and rebuild bridges with her daughter but Charlotte’s calls went unanswered too.

When a month had passed without anyone being able to contact Bernie, Cameron had returned from London, had been to his mother’s flat, spent almost an hour banging on the door but there was no answer but he knew his mother, knew there was a chance she’d just packed up and gone, especially if she needed chance to clear her head, if she needed time to herself.  He convinced himself that she was fine and she’d come back when she was ready, that was all he could do, he didn’t want to involve the police, knowing Bernie wouldn’t appreciate that, and he knew she wouldn’t thank him at all if he told his father his concerns, so, in Cam’s opinion the only thing he could do was trust that his mother was okay, that she’d come back when she was ready.

A month dragged out into three, and when their calls were going still going unanswered, the staff on AAU wanted answers, wanted to know Bernie was okay but felt like they’d done all they could, they’d considered ringing the police, reporting Bernie as a missing person but before they did, they knew there was just one thing left to try.

In the end it was Raf who drew the short straw, shutting himself away in Fletch’s office one Thursday morning when the ward was unusually quiet, picking up the phone and replacing it several times before finally finding the courage to dial the number.

He was surprised when his call was answered after just three rings, he’d been preparing himself to leave a voicemail, there was a concerned “hello” and Raf took a breath to try and compose himself before he spoke.

“Serena, it’s Raf, I erm, I was wondering if you’d heard from Bernie lately.

Serena had been confused when she’d seen the hospital’s number flashing up on her phone, Jason had installed an app to her phone before she’d left, she hadn't understood the finer details, just that she’d be able to make and receive calls over wifi without running up a huge phone bill. She’d answered the phone almost instantly, knowing they wouldn't ring her unless it was important. “Bernie? What, no, I haven't spoken to her since I left, we agreed to…” she shook her head, “what’s happened Raf?”

Raf sighed, the last thing he wanted to do was worry Serena but he couldn't lie to her, “she resigned three months ago, didn't say a word about it, we only found out one morning when Hanssen came down to introduce the locum cover. We erm, we've been trying to get in touch with her since but all our calls are going straight to voicemail.”

“Has anyone been to her flat?” Serena was already worried about Bernie.

“I've been round, Fletch has been round, Cameron came up from London and went round but there was never any answer, Cam hasn't heard from her either, he asked Charlotte to call her too but again it went straight to voicemail.”

“Right, no, I erm, I haven't heard from her but I haven't tried either, I'll give her a call though and maybe send her a message or an email too” she told him, “but if someone manages to get hold of her in the meantime…”

“I'll make sure I let you know. Thanks Serena.”

Serena didn’t tell anyone her plans, it was the first thing that had come to mind when she’d heard why Raf was calling, to her it was her only option, she did call Bernie, did leave a message on her voicemail, did send her a text and an email, but she also booked herself onto the first possible flight back to the UK.

It was just three days later when Serena found herself back in England and, after an overnight flight, a mix up with the car hire company and a three hour drive in rush hour, it was just after 10 when she pulled up outside Bernie’s apartment, she yawned briefly and stretched as she stepped from the car, she’d managed a few hours sleep on the plane but was too anxious for much more although she knew, as soon as she was sure Bernie was okay she’d sleep for a week, and she would find that Bernie was okay, she had to, she couldn’t imagine the alternative.

She managed to slip into the building behind a young couple before taking the lift up to the third floor, trying to take a deep breath as she felt her heart pounding against her rib cage, she’d be no use to anyone if she had a heart attack before she’d even made it to Bernie’s front door.

It was a short walk from the lift to the flat she’d once been so familiar with and she took a second to compose herself before raising her fist and knocking firmly on the door.  She waited for a minute before knocking again, this time pressing her ear to the door, listening for any sound of life.  Her third and fourth knocks also went unanswered so Serena knew it was time to change her tactics.  Her fifth knock was louder and Serena knew her knuckles would probably be bruised in the morning but she didn’t care, right now her only thought was Bernie, making sure Bernie was safe, she was only just beginning to feel like she could cope with the fact she’d lost Elinor, she knew there wouldn’t be any way she could carry on if she lost Bernie too.  She knocked a sixth time, deciding this time to say something, to let Bernie know she was there and she wasn’t going anywhere.

“Berenice Bloody Wolfe” she called loudly, “open this door right now, I have not flown across two continents and driven round the M25 in rush hour to stand outside your door and not see you.” There was silence, “I know you're in there so I'm going to give you 15 minutes, if the door isn't open in that time I'm going to assume you can't get to the door and I'll break it down."

She heard nothing for the next 10 minutes, standing in the landing outside Bernie’s flat as she googled ‘how to break down a locked door’. She wasn't joking, one way or another she was getting into that flat.

“You've got five minutes Bernie, just unlock the door, save us both a lot of hassle… please?” Another 3 minutes passed before Serena heard the dull click of the key being turned in the lock and she let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding before reaching out and slowly pushing the door open…


	3. Chapter 3

Bernie had panicked when she’d heard Serena's voice, couldn't believe she was back, she was here, but after the panic came the embarrassment, she hadn't showered in days, maybe even weeks, she couldn't remember. The floor by her sofa was covered in empty bottles, empty cigarette packets and half eaten pot noodles and ready meals. The flat was a mess, she was a mess, knew she was a mess and didn't want Serena to see her like this. It was why she hadn't answered the door to Cameron, didn't want her son to see her, surprised to feel tears rolling down her cheeks as she ignored her son's pleas for her to answer the door when just a few short months ago she’d have been over the moon to see either one of her children.

Serena felt her heart sink, she knew from previous visits that Bernie’s flat was more functional than homely but this time things were different, the curtains she’d help choose were closed and she could barely breathe through the air, thick with stake cigarette smoke, “Oh Bernie” she whispered as she made her way into the living room, finding the woman sat on the sofa, knees pulled into her chest and her arms wrapped around her legs. “Bernie” she said softly, “Bernie Darling, look at me.” Bernie raised her head slightly, her eyes staring straight through Serena, unable to look her in the eye.  “Oh Bernie” she gently put her hand on Bernie’s cheek, taking a moment to steady herself when she felt how prominent Bernie’s cheekbones were, unable to see her properly in the darkened room, “why didn't you call me? Why didn't you tell me you were struggling?”

Bernie felt her lower lip tremble and closed her eyes, determined not to cry in front of Serena, “we said…” the hoarseness of her voice surprised even Bernie.

“Forget what we said” Serena told her, “you shouldn't have felt like you had to deal with whatever you've been dealing with on your own.”

“I'm sorry” Bernie whispered.

“Don't be” Serena said softly as she stroked her thumb over Bernie’s cheek again, “I'm here now” she paused for a minute, “can I open the curtains? Get a bit of fresh air in here?” Bernie didn't say anything, “you know I won't judge you.”

Bernie sighed before nodding against Serena’s palm, “okay.”

Serena stepped away from Bernie and pulled back the curtains, pushing open the windows before turning to face Bernie again, smiling sadly at the sight in front of her, Bernie was still curled into a ball on the sofa, her knees pulled into her chest and her forehead resting on her knees, almost as if she didn’t want Serena to see her.  The ashtray on the coffee table was overflowing and there were empty bottles and cigarette packets covering the floor, Bernie obviously hadn’t been coping but Serena supposed she should be glad she’d at least been trying to eat, even if it wasn’t anything particularly healthy or nutritious.

“Bernie” Serena said softly as she made her way over to the sofa and sat down beside her, gently putting her hand on Bernie’s back, frowning slightly as she felt how tight the muscles were beneath her hand, subconsciously beginning to gently massage out the knots she could feel, “talk to me Darling, is there anything I can do?”

“I'm tired Serena” Bernie finally admitted as she lifted her head from her knees, allowing Serena to see her for the first time since she’d arrived and Serena felt her heart break a little, her skin was pale, her eyes were red and the skin under her eyes was almost black from lack of sleep, but Serena knew that Bernie didn’t mean that she was physically tired.  Another look at the woman beside her told Serena that she’d lost weight, more weight than she ever had to lose and, for a brief minute Serena hated herself for leaving.  She didn’t have to long to dwell on that though before Bernie spoke again, “I feel like I've spent my whole life running from one thing or another and I don't want... can't do it any more, I can't keep running from my own shadow for the rest of my life but without you, without the trauma bay, I don't feel like there's anything here for me anymore” she whispered.

“Don’t run then” Serena said as if it was the simplest thing in the world, “why don’t we walk together instead?” she took Bernie’s hand, “ see if we can find somewhere where there is something for you.”

Bernie frowned as she looked up at Serena for the first time, noticing first her hair, shorter and greyer than when she left, but secondly her eyes, the sparkle that was beginning to reappear, “I don't understand.”

“When did you last take a holiday?” Serena asked, running her thumb over the back of Bernie’s hand, feeling every tendon and muscle beneath her paper thin skin “I know you didn't take any while you were on AAU and I know you didn't take much time off to recover after your surgery before you and to work on Keller. When did you last get away from everything?”

Bernie shrugged and looked down at their joined hands, “we had a fortnight in Lanzarote when the kids were younger, the army didn't really… It was hard to plan holidays.”

“Then there's no wonder you've burnt yourself out, you need to get some rest, take a break, have some time for you. You've got a passport right?” Bernie nodded, “so come travelling with me, I was in Cambodia when Raf called me, it's beautiful out there, I was going to go to Thailand too, Elinor went out there once and kept talking about how much she loved it. Come with me, put some distance between you and everything here, it might help you see things in a different light and work out what you want to do.”

“And what if I can't work it out?”

“Then we keep going, we keep seeing the world, all the places we've always wanted to see and we keep going until you decide you're ready to come home or until we find somewhere that feels more like home than Holby.”

“But what about you?”

“If these last few months have told me anything it’s that you're it for me Bernie, my intention was always to come home to you but I couldn't promise anything, I was in an awful place when I left, I didn't want to promise you anything in case, well, in case I didn't come home at all.” She saw Bernie look up to her and reached out to stroke her cheek, “I'm okay, I'm in a much better place now but what I'm trying to say is that as long as I get to come home to you, does it matter whether that home is my house, this flat, a chateau in France, a hotel in Thailand...? If I have to travel the world with you to find a place to call home then that's fine with me.”

“You, you want to live with me? Even after all this?”

Serena nodded, “of course, you put up with much much worse before I left.”

“I love you” Bernie whispered.

Serena smiled and kissed Bernie’s forehead, “I love you too, but, and I mean this with the greatest of respect, you really need to shower and then we can talk about what we’re going to do, decide where we’re going to go.”

“Sorry I…”

“Don't apologise, I understand but before you shower” Serena took her own phone from her pocket, “call your children, they're worried sick about you.”

“My ch…”

“Cameron came to see you but you didn't answer” Bernie dropped her gaze to the floor and Serena took her hand, “Bernie?”

“I didn't want him to see me, not… I'm supposed to…” she shrugged, “he shouldn't have to see me like that.”

Serena nodded, “talk to him” she offered Bernie her phone again, “and while you do I'm going to go down to the shop, get a few things so I can make us something to eat while you're in the shower okay?”

Bernie nodded and took Serena's phone, “thank you.”

“You don't need to thank me” Serena kissed Bernie’s temple, “can I take your keys to let myself back in?”

Bernie looked up at Serena and nodded, “yeah, of course, “will you pick up some milk so we can have a cuppa and erm, some paracetamol too?”

Serena nodded, assuming Bernie was still feeling the effects of all the whiskey she’d consumed, “of course” she kissed her again, “I won't be long” she promised, picking up her handbag and flashing Bernie one last smile before she grabbed Bernie’s keys and left the flat.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'd have got this chapter a couple of days ago but I got a bit carried away writing the epilogue! That does mean however, that you shouldn't have to wait too long for it to be posted!

Bernie spent a while looking at the phone in her hand before finally finding the courage to dial Cameron’s number, she briefly wondered what she was going to tell her son before deciding to just be honest with him and tell him the truth.

“Serena” Bernie could hear the confusion in her son’s voice as he answered her call, “is everything okay?”

“It erm, it’s not Serena” Bernie said quietly.

Bernie heard Cameron gasp, “Mum? Where are you? Are you okay? What… are you with Serena?”

“I’m in the flat…”

“But I came round I…”

“I’ve been in a bad place, mentally” Bernie said honestly, “I erm, I’ve not been myself, not been looking after myself since I resigned, I erm, I didn’t want you to see me how I was. I’m sorry.”

“Are you okay?” Cameron sounded genuinely concerned.

“I’m… I don’t know” Bernie said honestly, “I will be” she tried to sound certain, “Serena came back and I, well I know I promised I’d stay around this time but I think I’m going to go travelling with her for a while.”

“Okay.”

Bernie was surprised by Cameron’s simple response, “you, you’re not angry about me leaving again?”

“Not if it’s what you need to do Mum, you came back to Holby for us, gave up your life in the army and now, well, you’ve divorced Dad, I’m in London and Charlie’s got her own life, we don’t need you to hold our hands anymore so you go and do whatever it is that you need to do to make yourself happy.”

“Can I see you before you go?”

“Sure, let me know when you’re leaving and I’ll arrange something, I’ll make sure Charlie can come too.”

“Thank you.”

“Keep in touch while you’re away though, I want emails when you can, postcards when you can’t and I want tacky tshirts too”

Bernie laughed, “I’m sure I can manage that, I’ll charge my phone, text me when you’ve sorted something out with Charlotte.”

“I will” Cameron promised, “but will you text her, let her know you’re okay, she’s worried about you too.”

“Yeah, I will, and erm, I’m sorry Cam.”

“Don’t be” he told her, “you’re safe and that’s all that matters, just make sure you and Serena look after each other yeah?”

“I will. Thanks Cam.”

She told her son she loved him, a sentiment which he returned before they said their goodbyes, Bernie leaving Serena’s phone on the coffee table, finding hers on the floor by the sofa and plugging it in to charge in her bedroom before dragging her weary body into her ensuite to shower.

Serena picked up a few essentials from the tesco express near to Bernie’s flat, happy to hear the shower running when she returned, and, although she trusted Bernie, she checked the call log on her phone, smiling when she saw that Bernie had called Cameron, the call hadn’t been long but she’d still done it and Serena was sure, that no matter what Bernie was going through, they could get through it together.

She quickly set to work, guessing that Bernie wouldn’t want anything too fancy if she hadn’t been eating properly, she put some pasta on to boil and threw some chicken under the grill before making her way into the living room, cleaning up the rubbish, emptying the ashtray and washing and almost endless amount of forks before wiping down the coffee table and the leather sofa and spraying the curtains with an ‘anti tobacco’ air freshener she’d picked up to hopefully stop the room smelling so stale.

“Something smells nice” Bernie smiled when she came out of her bedroom a while later, she had slightly more colour in her cheeks, her hair was still damp and she’d changed into grey yoga pants and an old RAMC tshirt.

“It’s just pasta and chicken” Serena told her as she began spooning it into bowls, “I assumed you’d just want something simple if you’ve not been eating properly.”

Bernie nodded as she flicked on the kettle and took out two mugs, “thank you, I erm, I called Cam, I told him I was going to go away with you for a while.”

Serena nodded and reached out to gently squeeze Bernie’s arm, “was he okay with it?”

“Yeah, yeah he was actually, told me that it’s time for me to do whatever I need to to make myself happy. He’s going to arrange something with Charlotte, so we can see each other before we leave.”

“That’ll be nice” Serena sprinkled grated cheese onto the top of the pasta, before passing a bowl to Bernie “I’ll go and see Jason too while I’m back.”

“Did you tell him you were coming back?”

Serena shook her head, watching as Bernie made them both a mug of coffee, “no, I erm, I didn’t think, just wanted to see you.”

“Thank you” Bernie said softly as she passed over a mug, “for coming back.”

Serena reached out and tucked Bernie’s damp hair behind her ear, “you’d have done the same for me.”

They walked through to the open plan living area and sat down at the small dining table, “you erm, you said Raf called you” Bernie frowned, “why?”

“He was worried about you” Serena said simply, "Raf, Fletch, Morven, they were all worried about you, you left without warning, you weren’t answering your phone…”

“My battery died” Bernie interrupted, “it’s charging now, Cam asked me to text Charlie.”

Serena nodded, “they wanted to know you were okay, when you didn’t answer to them Raf called me to see if I’d heard from you.”

“They…”

“They’re your family Bernie, like it or not you’re stuck with them now.  I’ll send him a text later, put his mind at rest.”

“We erm, we could have leaving drinks at Albie’s if you want?” Bernie suggested nervously as she picked at her pasta, “I know there are a lot of people that wished they could have said a proper goodbye to you. I erm, I could put some money behind the bar as an apology for…”

“For nothing” it was Serena’s turn to interrupt, “drinks at Albie’s would be nice but you have nothing to apologise for, you never have to apologise for struggling, whether mentally or physically okay. You didn’t do it on purpose, you don’t need to apologise.”

Bernie nodded but wasn’t convinced, “okay.”

“Bernie” Serena reached out and took her hand, smiling softly as she felt Bernie rubbing the back of her own hand with her thumb, “depression is not something you need to apologise for.  If getting away from all this for a while doesn’t help then we’ll settle somewhere for a while and get you sorted on some meds or find you a therapist or whatever you need.  You wouldn’t be ashamed to take the painkillers for your back if you needed them so don’t feel ashamed if you need meds for your mental health too, you are perfect Bernie, you don’t need to apologise for being you.”

Bernie didn’t know what to say so she said the only thing she could, raising her gaze to look Serena in the eye she whispered, “I love you.”

Serena squeezed Bernie’s hand, “I love you too.”

“Are we really doing this? We’re really going to go travelling like teenagers?”

“Well, maybe not like teenagers, I prefer suitcases and hotel rooms with an ensuite to backpacks and hostels, but yes, we’re going travelling, and do you want to know the most exciting thing?” Bernie nodded, “I’m doing it with the woman I love.”

Serena’s words had their desired effect, Bernie smiled genuinely for the first time in months, briefly looking up at Serena from behind her fringe before dipping her head again, “me too.”

They finished their pasta in relative silence and Serena sent Raf a quick text to let him know Bernie was safe and that she’d speak to him later, before she cleared the bowls away, Bernie had only eaten about half the pasta but it was something, it was more than she had been eating and that was enough for Serena, “would you mind if I had a quick shower?” she asked once the dishes had been washed and put away, “it was a long flight and I feel a bit…”

She didn’t finish, didn’t need to, Bernie knew how she felt, she always spent a while in the shower when she came home from a deployment, “of course, I’ll get you some clean towels and, erm” Bernie glanced around the flat, “have you got a bag or anything?”

“My suitcase is in the car, hire car” she clarified.

“Do you want me to go and fetch it?” Bernie offered, “or I could just lend you something of mine if…”

Serena nodded, “that would be nice, you lending me something I mean.”

"Okay” Bernie smiled, “are you, I mean, the time difference, if you…”

"I managed a few hours on the plane” Serena knew what Bernie was trying to say, “but I wouldn’t say no to a quick nap, especially not if you were to join me?”

Bernie looked unsure, “I haven’t been sleeping well, I wouldn’t want to keep you awake.”

“You won’t” Serena gently squeezed Bernie’s hand, “if you’re in that bed waiting for me when I come out of the shower then that’s fine, if you’re not, then that’s fine too, whatever you want to do Bernie, whatever makes you comfortable.”

“Okay” Bernie nodded, “I’ll get you some pyjamas.”

She handed Serena some clean towels and placed some pyjamas on the bed before thinking better of it and moving the pyjamas so she could strip the bed and put fresh sheets on it, she couldn’t remember when she’d last changed her bedding and Serena deserved better.

Once the bed was made, Bernie got in, and out, several times before shaking her head, “stop being an idiot” she told herself, “it’s your bed and you’re tired. Get back in.” Her pep talked worked and she found herself yawning almost as soon as she slipped under the duvet but she wanted to stay awake until Serena was back so she reached for her phone and turned it on so she could text Charlotte.

Bernie was overwhelmed by the amount of notifications she got when she turned her phone on, over 100 messages and missed calls from her friends and her children, all asking if she was okay, all worried about her welfare.  She couldn’t bring herself to read any of the messages yet, let alone reply so she simply opened a new message and typed in her daughter’s number,  _ ‘Cam told me you’ve been worried about me. I’m sorry’  _ Bernie stared at the screen for a while, trying to work out what to say to Charlotte but in the end decided to be honest with her, like she had been with Cam, _ ‘I’ve been in a bad place mentally and I guess I was too lost in my own self pity to think of anyone else. I’m okay though, you don’t need to worry about me.  I love you xx’.  _ Bernie hit send and placed her phone back on the bedside table, picking it up again when it bleeped just minutes later, Charlotte’s name flashing on the screen. 

She ignored the messages Charlie had sent her over the past few weeks and scrolled down to the most recent one, sent just 3 minutes after Bernie’s message to her daughter,  _ ‘I’m glad you’re okay Mum.  Can I ring you later? I love you too xx’ _

Bernie was surprised to find herself wiping away tears with one hand, her other replying almost instinctively to the message,  _ ‘You can ring me whenever you want Charlie xx’ _

Again the reply came almost instantly,  _ ‘I finish work at 6, will ring you then xx’ _

“Everything okay?” Bernie hadn’t noticed that the shower had stopped running until Serena was climbing into bed beside her for the first time in, what felt like, forever.

Bernie nodded and put her phone back on the side, “I sent Charlotte a text, she wants to call me later.”

“That’s great news” Serena smiled, “but for now” she held out her arms, “why don’t you close your eyes hey? Try and get some rest?”

It didn’t take long for Bernie to fall asleep once she’d shuffled into Serena’s safe embrace, she lost the fight to keep her eyelids open almost as soon as she felt herself nuzzle into the brunette’s neck.

Serena meanwhile was fighting off her own fatigue as she watched Bernie sleep, the blonde in her arms already looking so much peaceful than she had just two short hours ago, “I love you” she whispered, “no matter what I love you, and you’re going to be okay Bernie, I promise you, it might take a while but we’re both going to be okay.”


	5. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here we go. The final chapter, have Bernie & Serena found a place to call home? Are they happy? Read on to find out!

Serena smiled softly and sipped at her bottle of water as she watched Bernie, sat cross legged on the dusty floor, her blonde waves pulled back in a messy ponytail and her fringe held back from her eyes by the sunglasses perched on top of her head.  It had been almost three months since they’d left Holby and Serena couldn’t believe the change in her partner.  She was happy, glowing, and Serena knew the glow wasn’t just caused by her sunkissed skin.

They’d left Holby just a week after Serena had returned, a hectic week in which they’d not only said their goodbyes to everyone but packed up Bernie’s flat, moving everything she owned into Serena’s house so she wouldn’t have to pay rent on her flat whilst they were away.  At Serena’s request they’d headed back to Cambodia, finished everything Serena wanted to see before moving onto Thailand, mixing in sightseeing and daytrips with days on the beach, days where Bernie allowed herself to soak in the peace and the tranquility she’d been so desperate for.

From Thailand they’d made their way to India after Bernie had said she’d always dreamt of going there and for Serena, there was something almost healing about the thought of visiting the place where Jasmine had spent a lot of her childhood, just like Thailand had helped her heal over losing her daughter, she hoped India would help her say a final goodbye to Jasmine. 

They spent a few weeks in the hustle and bustle of Mumbai, immersing themselves in the culture and, at times, just enjoying watching the world go by, but there were so many things Bernie had wanted to do that they’d eventually moved on, ticking things off their ‘to do’ list as they went.  They’d sat, hand in hand, and watched the sun rise over the Taj Mahal, spent hours in the back of a jeep as it drove through forests looking for elephants in their natural habitat and, after Serena admitted how much she’d enjoyed seeing the elephants, Bernie had arranged for them to visit a sanctuary where they, not only got to feed the elephants, but to help bathe them too. It was something Serena would never even have thought of doing and the experience only seemed to remind her, just how lucky she was to have Bernie with her.

Neither of them could remember exactly when they’d decided to head off the beaten track but somehow they’d found themselves in a rural village, over an hour’s drive from the nearest town where they’d stumbled across an orphanage, an old run down building that had faded cartoon characters painted on the walls and they’d somehow found themselves as willing volunteers.  Serena would never forget the wonder on the children’s faces the first time they’d seen Bernie and, in broken English, the owner of the orphanage had explained that it was her hair, the children had never seen anyone with blonde hair before.  Bernie had smiled and pulled the bobble from her ponytail before she knelt down, allowing the curious children to run their fingers through her tangled curls.

For someone who didn’t consider themselves maternal, Bernie seemed to be a natural with the children.  The day after they’d found the orphanage Bernie and Serena had driven into the nearest town and bought supplies for the children, it was obvious that the owners of the orphanage were doing their best but they didn’t have much.  Bernie worked out that she and Serena spent less than £50 in the town but from the looks on the children’s faces, and that of the owner, it was as if they’d been given the world. They hadn’t bought anything too extravagant, a few picture books, paper and crayons, some footballs and skipping ropes, simple things, but so much more than the children had before.

It had been Bernie who’d sat down with the children and drawn a simple flower on a sheet of paper, the children’s faces lighting up as they’d scrabbled for their own crayons, all talking in a language that Serena couldn’t understand, but she didn’t need to know what they were saying, the looks on their faces told her everything, the children were happy and, from the look on her face, Bernie was happy too.

They’d talked about moving on, Australia had been mentioned, Sydney, Serena wanted to see the Opera House, Bernie wanted to climb the harbour bridge, hadn’t said as much but had thought about proposing to Serena up there.  They’d talked about flying over Uluru, snorkeling at the Great Barrier Reef, but, as Serena watched Bernie draw out squares on the concrete in brightly coloured chalk, planning on teaching the children how to play hopscotch, she wasn’t sure if she’d ever be able to suggest tearing Bernie away from the children who had so obviously worked their way into her heart.  Maybe India was going to be their new home and Serena decided she wouldn’t mind that at all.

They’d been helping at the orphanage for almost a month when, one night, after they’d turned out the lights in the bedroom of the small cottage they were renting from a local farmer, Bernie turned towards Serena, “I know we want to see the world” she said softly into the darkness, “and I know we’ve probably spent longer here than either of us intended to...”

Serena reached for Bernie’s hand under the covers, “I said we could do what we needed to do to help us both heal, and there has been no doubt in my mind that this has helped you immensely, you don’t need to feel guilty about that” Serena reassured her.

“There are still things we both want to see and do” Bernie said softly, “but before we move on, there’s something else I want to do here, I erm, I’m not asking for your permission, I’m going to do it regardless of what you think, but I thought I should at least tell you and…”

“Bernie” Serena said softly, “stop rambling and just say it.”

“I got a large inheritance when my father died, and then Marcus bought out my share of the house in the divorce” Serena knew what Bernie was going to say to her, “I want to make a donation to the orphanage, a few thousand pounds so they can get them new toys and books and clothes, put proper flooring down, hire more staff, whatever they need.”

Serena tucked a strand of Bernie’s hair behind her ears, “how much were you thinking?”

“About 10 thousand” Bernie mumbled.

Serena didn’t miss a beat, “I’ll match it.”

She felt the mattress move and, in the thin strip of moonlight shining through the gap in the curtains, saw Bernie sit up in bed, “you…”

“I’ll match it” Serena reached out to lay her hand on the small of Bernie’s back, “like you I got an inheritance from my mother’s estate, and the money from selling her house.  I've already put some money away for Jason, enough that he’ll be okay when I’m no longer around but now, without Elinor, my house will go to him and, those children... I don’t need the money and it will make such a difference for them.”

“Are you sure?” Bernie asked.

“Absolutely, now lay down Darling, get some rest, we can talk about it in the morning.” 

They spent another fortnight working at the orphanage, the owner bursting into tears and hugging them both when they told her that they wanted to give her so much money, thanking them again and again in her broken English.  

There had been tears all round when Bernie and Serena finally said their goodbyes, the children presenting them both with drawings that they’d done, cards that they’d made, the words ‘thank you’ printed clumsily on the front of each one.

“Can we come back again?” Bernie asked as they drove away from the building, suitcases in the boot as they headed for the airport, tickets to Sydney paid for and waiting to be collected.

“Do you really need to ask?” Serena reached for Bernie’s hand and squeezed softly, “we can come back as often as you want.”

Bernie slept through most of the 12 hour flight, they’d paid to upgrade to business class and, within minutes of the seatbelt sign being turned off after take off, Bernie had kissed Serena’s cheek, reclined her seat and almost instantly fallen asleep, allowing Serena to take a good look at the woman she loved.

She’d changed completely from when Serena had found her in her flat, the bags that had sat beneath her eyes had vanished, her pale skin was now tanned, a sprinkling of freckles appearing over her shoulders and cheeks from her time spent in the sun, she’d regained the weight she’d lost and the tension she’d carried with her when Serena had returned to Holby was long gone, helped partially by several massages that they’d both indulged in as they lazed on Thai beaches, Serena had been right when she said Bernie needed a holiday.

Serena woke Bernie for their meals, knowing her BMAM would wake hungry otherwise and it was worth it for the sleepy smile and the kisses to her lips that she got as thanks, “we’re nearly there” Serena told her when she woke her for the small snack that was being bought round.

Bernie glanced down at her watch and saw they’d be landing in just over an hour, “did you get some sleep?” she asked Serena.

“Yeah” Serena nodded, “I had about 3 hours earlier” she smiled as she thought back to when she woke, head lolling against Bernie’s shoulder, both of them sharing the same blanket, Bernie’s cheek against her forehead. She’d gently lifted her hand, not wanting Bernie to wake as she’d let her hand come to rest on Bernie’s chest, feeling the reassuring beat of her heart, it was then she realised, home wasn’t a building, it wasn’t a place, this was home. Home was being curled up with the person you love, it was feeling safe, being happy, home was feeling each of Bernie’s breaths against the top of her head as she slept soundly. Home was Bernie.

“What are you thinking?” Bernie asked softly, bringing Serena back to the present as she entwined their fingers together under the blanket that still covered them both.

Serena looked up at Bernie, “I love you.”

“I love you too” Bernie smiled down at Serena, dropping her head to rub noses with her partner.

“You’re home” Serena mumbled.

Bernie raised an eyebrow, “what?”

“You, you’re my home, it doesn’t matter where we are, as long as I’m with you, I feel like I’m home.”

Bernie smiled, “I feel like I’m home when I’m with you too” she said softly.

“So we can keep going a bit longer? I thought maybe Fiji next” she smirked.

Bernie chuckled, “we can keep going as long as you want to, and Fiji sounds good to me, but only if I get to see you in that blue bikini again.”

“Behave yourself Wolfe” Serena scolded her playfully before leaning in to whisper, “it’s summer in Australia, play your cards right and you won’t have to wait until Fiji.”

“Yes” Bernie thought to herself as she squeezed Serena’s hand, she could definitely cope with her home being wherever Serena happened to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I have a few ideas for more chapters in the style of the epilogue, following Bernie and Serena through Australia and onwards, so please let me know if that's something you'd like to read :)


	6. Sydney - Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a plan for Berena in Sydney, but it turns out Bernie and Serena had other ideas and nothing I actually wanted to happen happened, so there'll be a second (and maybe third depending on if Berena behave or not) chapter set in Sydney so they can actually do what I had planned.
> 
> I hope you like it.

It didn't take long for Bernie and Serena to get settled in Sydney, they’d booked an apartment through airbnb before they’d left India, a one bedroom, tenth floor flat with spectacular views over the harbour and a rooftop swimming pool that meant Bernie had seen far more of Serena’s various bikinis then she ever could have hoped for.  They were a leisurely 30 minute stroll down to the harbour but just around the corner from the local train station for when they were too tired for the uphill walk home after a long day’s sightseeing.

They’d agreed an 8 week stay with the owner of the flat, the man helpfully telling them that he’d only want  2 weeks notice if they wished to extend their stay and they were both surprised at how quickly the little apartment began to feel like home.

No matter how settled she felt, Serena had noticed a change in Bernie in the few short days they’d been in Australia, she knew the blonde had something on her mind, was keeping something to herself but she didn’t push her, she knew Bernie, she knew she sometimes needed time to process things in her own mind before she could express herself and Serena would give her as much time as she needed.

They were laid in bed one night, only a few days they’d arrived, when Serena decided to check in with her partner, Bernie had been laid staring at the ceiling for a while pretending to be asleep but Serena wasn't fooled. “Are you okay?” she asked softly as she reached for Bernie’s hand under the duvet.

“We erm, we’re going to be staying here for a while aren't we?”

“Yeah” Serena stroked her thumb over the back Bernie’s hand, “we agreed 8 weeks, unless you want to move on sooner, then we…”

“No, no, it's just that I erm, I've been thinking” Serena didn't say anything, just let Bernie talk, Serena had soon learnt that if Bernie had something important to say, if there was something she wanted to get off her chest, she preferred to talk about it in bed after the lights were out, to avoid having to see her reaction Serena assumed, “if we’re going to be here for a while then I think I might be ready to get some help. To talk to someone I mean, I don't think I want to start any meds just yet, and I don't want you to think that I don't appreciate everything that you've done, that I take for granted that you…”

“I understand” Serena said softly, “sometimes it helps to speak to someone outside of the situation, I get it, you don't need to worry about that. If you want to find a therapist while we’re here then we’ll start looking in the morning.”

Serena felt Bernie roll into her side, an arm draped over her stomach, “I love you”

Serena smiled and lifted her arm, gently running her hand through Bernie’s hair, still damp from the shower she’d had before bed, “I love you too Bernie, so, so much.”

Bernie slept peacefully that night and, as she had done every morning since they arrived in Sydney, she slipped from Serena’s loose embrace once she woke and kissed her forehead, pulling on the running gear she’d bought on their first day in Australia and headed out for a jog around the neighbourhood, preferring to run first thing in the morning before it got too hot.

When she returned to the apartment Serena was awake, sat up in bed holding her ipad, reading glasses perched on her nose as she sipped from a mug of coffee, “good run?” she asked with a smile.

Bernie nodded, “it’s going to be another scorcher” she told Serena, “might be a good day for just staying here by the pool.”

“Sounds good to me” Serena smiled, “are you going to shower?”

“Yeah, it’s getting warm out there already.”

“Okay. There’s coffee in the pot, it should still be warm when you get out” Serena told her, knowing Bernie didn’t take long to shower, “and if you want to make me some toast while you’re in there...”

Bernie chuckled and saluted as she walked into the ensuite, “yes Ma’am.”

She took less than 10 minutes to shower and made her way through to the kitchen with just a towel wrapped around herself, her hair, still dry, tied back in a messy ponytail.  “I knew I loved you for a reason” Serena smiled, stretching up to kiss Bernie’s lips when she returned with a tray, 2 mugs of coffee and two plates of toast.

“Hmm” Bernie passed Serena the tray, dropping her towel to the floor so she could pull on some clean underwear before slipping back into bed, “so you only love me because I make you toast do you Campbell?” she teased.

“Well” Serena winked, “I can think of a few other reasons too.”

Bernie laughed and shook her head, “what are you looking at?” she asked, gesturing to the ipad, expecting that Serena had been using the apartment’s wifi to send some photos to Jason or Cam.

“I’ve been looking at therapists for you” she told Bernie softly, “I know in the end, who you see has to be your decision, someone you feel comfortable with, but I thought it might not be as overwhelming for you if you only had a few of the best to choose from and you didn’t have to sift through all the therapists in Sydney.”

Bernie nodded and gently pecked Serena’s cheek, “I appreciate that” she said softly, “thank you” she paused for a moment before asking, “when I find someone, will you, will you come with me?”

Serena smiled and turned slightly so she could look Bernie in the eye, “I will come with you but, when it comes to your appointment, I’ll stay in the waiting area, I want you to be able to talk to someone without worrying about my reaction to whatever it is you want to say.”

“Okay” Bernie nodded, “that sounds reasonable.”

It’s was a little after 10am when they left their air conditioned apartment, taking the lift to the twelfth floor of the apartment block and walking up the final set of stairs until they found themselves on the roof, the decking around the pool empty, most of the residents at work Serena suggested to herself as she followed Bernie over to what had quickly become their favourite spot. Two sunloungers right in the corner of the decking underneath a floating parasol and, after dropping their towels and other necessities onto one of the loungers, they set to work moving the furniture, one lounger in the shade for Bernie, the other in the sun for Serena, a small table between them for the bottles of water they’d bought out to keep themselves hydrated.

It might still be early but Bernie still felt a strange sense of accomplishment, a sereneness that she hadn’t felt in longer than she’d care to remember.  It was only 10am but she and Serena had spent the past 90 minutes looking at reviews for the therapists Serena had found, Bernie not only choosing the one she thought would be best but making the call before she lost her nerve, surprised that she’d managed to make an appointment for just two days time.

“Okay?” Serena asked, adjusting her sunglasses once they were settled.

Bernie nodded and smiled, “I am actually” she turned her head to face Serena, “are you?”

Serena nodded, “I’m okay, you’re okay…”

“The world can go round” Bernie finished for her.

“That’s right” Serena nodded, “now, I think I might go for a dip, fancy joining me, or did your little run earlier tire you out?”

Bernie raised one eyebrow as she let her eyes roam Serena’s body, the plain black bikini leaving little to the imagination, unlike her own tankini that she wore to cover the scar from the surgery that brought her to Holby, a scar that she didn’t mind Serena seeing but liked to keep covered from others, “no, the run didn’t tire me out, but I can think of something else that might!”

“Too right” Serena smiled as she stood, pushing her chest out as she stretched her back, knowing Bernie was watching her, “a few lengths of the pool and you’ll be asleep til lunch time and I’ll be able to read my book in peace” Serena teased, “hop to it Major, last one in the water has to make lunch.”

Bernie shrugged, taking her time to get to her feet, she’d happily make lunch for them both if it gave her the opportunity to watch Serena dive gracefully into the water, a couple of sandwiches in return for being able to watch the most beautiful woman she’d ever set eyes on cut through the water with ease seemed a fair deal to her.

Serena swam to the shallow end of the pool, standing when the water was waist deep and turning to see Bernie sat on the decking, her feet dangling into the water, “why don’t you take a picture, it lasts longer” she teased.

Bernie winked cheekily as she finally slipped into the water and swam over to Serena, pulling her deeper into the water before encouraging Serena to wrap her legs around her, “no need” she smirked between kisses, “I just so happen to have a photographic memory.”

“Is that so?” Serena draped her arms around Bernie’s neck, happy to share leisurely kisses with her.

“Mhm” Bernie nodded, her left hand already fiddling with the clasp on Serena’s bikini top, “not sharing you with anyone else” her kisses trailed down to Serena’s neck, “you’re all mine.”


	7. Sydney - Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a little longer than I was expecting, I hope it was worth the wait. There was something I mentioned briefly in the chapter set in India that I thought you'd all pick up on in the comments but none of you mentioned it so hopefully you won't be expecting this.
> 
> I only have ideas in mind for one more chapter but if there's anything you'd like to see, feel free to let me know, and I'll do my best to write it!

“Remind me why I’m doing this again?” Serena groaned as she zipped up the grey and blue jumpsuit she’d been handed a few minutes ago.

“Because you love me” Bernie pecked Serena’s cheek, “and because I promised to buy you a bottle of Shiraz on the way back.”

“Oh yes” Serena smiled, “I remember now.”

“Good” Bernie chuckled, it had been 3 days since Bernie’s first appointment with the therapist, it had gone better than she expected and, despite finding it hard to talk about her feelings, she’d forced herself to open up, closing her eyes and imagining she was talking to Serena until things felt easier. Despite her best efforts, she’d been unable to keep her tears from falling but it hadn’t mattered, the therapist had smiled sympathetically and handed over a box of tissues as she told Berie there was no need to apologise, and, when she’d made her way back into the waiting room once the hour was over, Serena had held her, kissed her temple and told her again and again that she loved her and she was proud of her.  It had been then that Bernie had taken her chance, as they’d walked back to their apartment from the train station hand in hand, Bernie had asked if they could climb Sydney harbour bridge and Serena had been unable to say no.

“It’s a bloody good job I love you” Serena teased, “I wouldn’t climb up a bridge for just anyone you know.”

“I know” Bernie smiled as one of the staff asked if anyone else needed to use the toilet before they left, “I’m gonna…” she gestured to the door, “I won’t be long.”

Bernie returned a few minutes later and smiled to Serena, taking her hand as they were lead from the changing area to a smaller room where they were all shown how the safety equipment and harnesses worked and, before Serena had chance to even think about how crazy Bernie was for wanting to do this, she was following the tour guide down a tunnel and onto Sydney Harbour Bridge, Bernie following right behind her.

When Serena had first found out that the climb would take 3 and a half hours and involve over 1300 steps she’d immediately started to dread it but it seemed like no time at all before she’d found herself at the summit of the bridge, clear skies meaning that they could see for miles and she stood, open mouthed, taking in the view, mentally thanking anyone who was listening for making Bernie suggest they did this, “glad you did it now?” Bernie chuckled as she watched Serena.

“It’s amazing” Serena nodded, Bernie couldn’t see her partner’s eyes due to the fact they were both, at the advice of the tour guide, wearing their sunglasses, but she knew Serena’s eyes would be wide with joy, she was obviously enjoying the experience a lot more than she thought she would.

“I’m glad you like it” Bernie smiled, reaching out for Serena’s hand, she knew Serena had only agreed to come because she knew it was something Bernie wanted to do so she was glad Serena had enjoyed herself too.  She’d initially only wanted to climb the bridge for the view from the top, something that hadn’t disappointed her, but she’d found herself almost enthralled by the stories the tour guide had recalled as they’d climbed the bridge, telling the small group all about the history of the bridge stretching right back to the time when it was being built to connect the two sides of the city.

“Tomorrow we’re touring the Opera House though, and staying firmly on the ground” Serena joked, the slack in their harnesses allowing the group to separate slightly, moving away from the central security line to admire the view, Bernie and Serena stood by one of the outer railings, looking out over Sydney.

“You’ve got yourself a deal” Bernie laughed, running her thumb over the back of Serena’s hand.

“Another five minutes then I’ll get a photo of you all and we’ll head back down” the guide announced and Bernie knew that was her cue, it was the first time on the climb that she’d felt nervous, her palms beginning to sweat, her stomach churning and her heart pounding against her rib cage.

“Serena” she said softly, the brunette’s eyes still taking in the view.

“Hmm?” Serena turned to see what Bernie wanted when she didn't speak again, frowning slightly when she realised Bernie was no longer stood beside her before gasping when she realised Bernie wasn’t stood beside her because she was now down on one knee looking up at her.

“I love you so much” Bernie told her, “you, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, I…” she swallowed a lump in her throat, determined not to cry, “I honestly don’t know what I’d have done had you not come to find me when you did, you’ve done so much for me Serena, I, I… I know we’ve not been together that long in the grand scheme of things but a lot of things have happened, things we’ve managed to get through because we had each other and I couldn’t ever imagine living my life without you.  When I’m with you I feel like I’m on top of the world so that’s why this seemed like the perfect place to ask...Serena Campbell, will you be my wife?”  She lifted her left hand, a stunning gold and diamond ring held between her thumb and forefinger, a length of red ribbon attatching the ring to a band around Bernie’s wrist to keep it safe.

“Oh Bernie” Serena sobbed, kneeling down in front of her, “there is nothing I’d like more than to be your wife, of course I’ll marry you.”

Bernie let her head fall forward, her forehead resting against Serena’s as she reached for her hand, slipping the ring onto the ring finger of her right hand before she took the wristband from her own arm and slipped it onto Serena’s, “I love you.”

Serena brushed her lips against Bernie’s, “I love you too.”

“Are you crying?” Bernie asked softly as she used the railing to pull herself to her feet before holding out her hand to her partner, her fiancee, her brain reminded her.

“Only happy tears” Serena smiled as she accepted Bernie’s hand, “you.”

“Maybe” Bernie chuckled, pulling Serena close as the tour guide came over to take their photograph, the others in the group all clapping and congratulating them.

A few group photos later and they began their descent, arriving back in the visitor centre almost before Bernie and Serena knew it and they were quick to change out of their jumpsuits, handing them back along with the wristband that had held the ring.  They collected their group photos a bridge climb certificates and Serena felt herself tearing up when she realised Bernie had paid in advance for some other photos and, with congratulations from the staff, they were given a cardboard envelope with another four photographs in, one of Bernie down on one knee holding Serena’s hand, another of them both knelt on the floor, foreheads touching, a third of them kissing once Bernie had helped Serena to her feet and the final one, the, the posed photograph that they both knew had been taken.

“I love you” Serena nuzzled into Bernie as they left the visitor centre, “I don't know how you managed to keep this to yourself” she smiled as she glanced down at the ring on her finger, the diamond sparkling in the sun.

“Neither do I” Bernie chuckled, “I only picked the ring up on my run this morning so you didn't find it” she admitted.

“Hmm, I'll have to remember that” Serena teased, “that my wife-to-be can be quite secretive when she wants to.”

“Think you could manage another surprise?” Bernie asked as they strolled down the street hand in hand.

Despite the sunglasses, Bernie saw Serena raise an eyebrow, “go on.”

“I know I promised you a bottle of Shiraz on the way home.”

“But…”

“But, do you think you could manage a champagne dinner at the restaurant in the Opera House first?”

Serena laughed and playfully nudged Bernie with her shoulder, “well, I suppose I could if I absolutely have to”

Bernie rolled her eyes, “you don't have to. We could always…” she didn't finish, instead pulling Serena close and trailing kisses down to her neck.

“Enough of that” Serena gently pushed Bernie’s head away from her, “if you want me to do that then I'm going to need some energy, I mean, climbing that bridge was pretty exhausting and…”

“I get it” Bernie laughed, “let's get you fed then shall we?”

Serena nodded, “food first and then we can go back to the apartment and…”

“Oh yeah?” Bernie teased.

“And share that bottle of Shiraz I'm still expecting you to buy me” Serena laughed before her stomach rumbled quietly, “so come on wifey, show me where this restaurant is.”

Serena didn't miss the smile on Bernie’s face and the almost silent whisper of the word ‘wife' before she started walking again. She was going to spend the rest of her life making a home with Bernie. She could certainly agree to that.


	8. Auckland

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was going to be the last chapter but once again I got a bit carried away so there'll be at least one more chapter after this one. I hope you like it :)

Bernie and Serena spent almost six months in Australia, using their apartment in Sydney as a base for almost half that time before deciding to move on and explore further afield. Bernie had 10 sessions with the therapist and had to admit that she felt a lot better for it, the woman helping her, not only deal with the weight she was already carrying on her shoulders, but to develop coping strategies should she need them in the future and, as extra reassurance, Bernie had left her final session with the therapist’s email address so she could get in touch if she ever needed her help again, no matter where in the world she was.

They decided to put their trip to Fiji on hold for a while and visit New Zealand first, thinking it would be a shame to miss out when they were already so close. It was a short flight from Sydney to Auckland and they were lucky that their bags were some of the first to appear on the carousel so they soon made their way out to the arrivals area, Bernie pulling their large cases, Serena pulling the smaller suitcase that she used for hand luggage, Bernie’s battered rucksack slung over her shoulder.

“Mum” neither of them paid attention to the shouts around them as relatives and friends were reunited, Bernie smiling slightly at the thought of a child being reunited by their parents, “mum” they heard the call again as they made their way towards the desk of the car hire company they had a booking with but neither of them thought anything of it.

Bernie turned to Serena and smiled when she saw her gazing down at the diamond ring on her finger, something Serena seemed to do every time she had the chance. Bernie was about to say something but another voice broke through the general noise around them, a voice that stopped both Bernie and Serena in their tracks, “Auntie Serena, Doctor Bernie.”

They both turned quickly, eyes widening and mouths dropping in shock when they saw Cameron and Jason making their way through the crowds towards them and Bernie turned to Serena, “did you know…”

“No” Serena shook her head, “did you?”

Bernie shook her head before reaching out to hug her son, “what are you doing here?” she asked him as Serena greeted Jason, “how did you…” 

“We’ll explain everything later” Cameron told her, “now, are you hiring a car?” Bernie nodded and Cameron handed her a sheet of paper, “meet us here” he saw Bernie frown, “please don’t ask any questions yet, we’ll explain everything once you’re there.”

“Okay” Bernie trusted her son, “we’ll drop our bags off at…”

“No, you don’t have time, please, just get your car and then meet us at that address.”

“Cam…”

“Please Mum”

Bernie nodded, “Okay.”

Serena meanwhile had been quizzing Jason, she’d been surprised to see Cameron, even more surprised that Jason was here too, well aware of how far out of his comfort zone he must be, “what are you doing here?”

“We came to meet you off your flight” Jason frowned, “Cameron said that we’d surprise you.”

“You certainly did that” Serena reached out to squeeze Jason’s upper arm, “and I’m so proud of you for coming all the way over here, I know it must have been hard for you.”

“I didn’t want to come” he said honestly, “but Charlotte told me that it would make you happy if I came with them and I want you to be happy.  She found me lots of videos to watch on the internet about airports and I did some research of my own about the security and immigration processes, and Charlotte called the airline to find out what the meals and in flight entertainment would be so I knew whether I needed to download some films onto my laptop and take enough food to last the flight.  She also…”

It took Bernie a few minutes to register Jason’s words, ‘Charlotte told me it would make you happy if I came with them’ them. Charlotte was here.  She looked up at Cameron, needing confirmation, “Charlotte’s here?”

He didn’t reply, didn’t have chance as Charlotte appeared from behind him, neither Bernie or Serena having seen her, “hi Mum” she said nervously.

“Oh Charlotte” Bernie pulled her daughter into her arms and hugged her tightly, “how are you?”

“I’m okay” Charlotte nodded, “really I am, the new meds are working and I’m, I’m good”.  

Bernie’s relationship with her daughter had certainly strengthened since she’d left Holby, when she’d met with her children she’d been honest about her mental health, about how she’d struggled in the past but always felt too ashamed to get help so she’d fought it on her own, how this time was different and she didn’t want to lie about it any more.  Charlotte had asked her Mum if they could keep in touch whilst she was away and Bernie made time to video call her daughter every week as well as sending her the email and text updates that she or Serena send to Jason and Cam too.  

It had been during one of their video calls that Charlotte had admitted to Bernie about her own struggles with depression and anxiety, Bernie’s honesty being the kick Charlotte needed to get help herself.  It had broken Bernie’s heart to hear that her daughter had been trying to fight her own demons alone, something which, thanks to the therapist she’d seen, Bernie no longer blamed herself for, but she was glad Charlotte had been strong enough to reach out and get help.  It had been a few months since Charlotte had told Bernie that she’d started new medication after the first one her GP had prescribed didn’t seem to lift her mood but instead plagued her with terrible side effects.  Charlotte had told her mother that she was doing well, like she felt like the new meds were working, but it was still nice to be able to see that for herself.

“As lovely as this little reunion is” Cameron spoke as Serena hugged Charlotte, “we have got places to be so…”

“Get your car” Charlotte squeezed Bernie’s hand, “Cam’s right, we have got things to do and we’re over here for two weeks, we’ve got plenty of time to catch up.”

“Okay” Bernie smiled, “we’ll see you soon then?” 

“Yep” Cam smirked cheekily, “you certainly will.”

It was almost 40 minutes later when Bernie parked the car, the address Cameron had given them being for an open air car park not far from the centre of Auckland, “so Jason didn’t give you any hints?” she asked, turning to face Serena as she put the handbrake on and turned off the engine.

“None at all” she shook her head before turning in her seat as the back doors to the car opened and Cameron, Charlotte and Jason all piled in.

“Are you going to tell us what’s going on now?” Bernie asked.

“Only if you promise not to kill us” Cameron bit his lip, suddenly wondering if this was such a good idea.

“Cameron…” There was a warning tone to Bernie’s voice and Cameron suddenly felt sick.

“You need to go to the town hall” he told them, “we erm, well, you’re getting married next week and there’s some paperwork you need to fill out first.”

“What!” both Serena and Bernie exclaimed, “Cameron, we can’t get married next week, there’s too much to…”

“It’s all arranged” Charlotte spoke, “we’ve booked a venue, sorted a cake and  a photographer, we’ve ordered your rings and erm, well, we’ve even sorted outfits for you both.”

“We guessed that you’d want to get married as soon as possible, but it’s not legal in Australia yet which is why we waited until you came over here, you can legally become Mrs & Mrs over here and then, if you want to, if you ever find yourselves back in Holby then you can renew your vows or have a blessing or something with everyone else there.” Cameron added.

Bernie frowned, “won’t we need our divorce certificates and…”

Jason pulled a large brown envelope from his rucksack and handed it over, “I called the New Zealand embassy in London and asked them what you’d need.  Everything is in there.”

“You… you’ve arranged our wedding?” Serena felt herself welling up as Bernie flicked through the papers in the envelope, smiling as she saw Jason had made a checklist of the things they’d need, each thing ticked off neatly.

“Is that okay?” Charlotte asked.

Serena looked to Bernie, “what about it Major? Ready to become Mrs Campbell-Wolfe?” 

“Oh Serena” Bernie reached out to take her hand, “I’ve been ready for a long long time.”

“Well then” Serena turned back to the three grinning faces in the back seat, “you’d better show us where this town hall is then.”


End file.
